Last month I picked my kid up from her week vacation with her father. I was so excited to see her and wanted to hear all about her adventures. She got in the car and buckled up. I turned around, started the engine and began to head toward home. As I drove, she told me about all the fun activities that she and her Dad did over the week. I then noticed that she became uncomfortable when talking about certain activities and she began to think carefully about her choice of words. I asked what was wrong. I looked in the rear view mirror at her beautiful little face which was riddled with confusion. She looked up and said, "Well Momma, I've got GOOD NEWS and BAD NEWS. The GOOD NEWS is I think Daddy still loves you. The BAD NEWS is... HE LOVES CHELSEA TOO!"
She held her bottom lip tight and waited for my response. When I said nothing, she added, "I hope that doesn't make you sad!" Of course that moment was not the time for me to soul search and see how I really felt about the "BAD NEWS", so I sucked it up and smiled. I told her that her news DID NOT make me sad and that if she liked Chelsea then that was ok with me. A wave of relief washed over her face. She then offered that Chelsea was nice and that she did like her. I could tell that it was REALLY important to her that I was ok with that.
That night after she went to bed I pulled out my journal, took my pen, and set the pages on fire. Read my first blog, That M*tha F*cka if you don't know what I mean. The realization that he was in a relationship with someone, was one thing; the fact that he didn't tell me and my daughter did was another. There are many words I can think of to describe that behavior. Cowardly, Punk-Like, BitchAssedly, and so on. However, in the end, I was familiar with this road and I didn't like the destination the first time so why go down there again? Although therapuetic, ultimately this was not productive. I don't want to be one of those women that contrive issues and situations to hurt their ex and his current relationship. This is where the BABY MOMMA DRAMA starts to infect you and forces you to act irrationally! The only person I would really be hurting is my kid. If I'm ok then my kid will be ok. I need to make sure that I am really ok and remain that way. The truth is, even if my ex wanted to reconcile I know it would not be the best solution. We are much better apart than we were together. So the issue becomes--How do I get over this hump? What can I do to release this anger, frustration, and disappointment once and for all?
The answer for me: Get back on the Rotation and stick to the process. Since I started this journey, I have become MORE than I ever was before. I am STRONGER, SMARTER, HAPPIER, LIGHTER than I once was. I love the person I am becoming and I refuse to allow ANYONE to derail my JOY!
Ladies and Gentlemen, stick with it. You will encounter bumps in the road, sometimes the weather seems unbearable, but you have a plan for you life. As you have read each blog you have come to know yourself in new and exciting ways. STAY on that COURSE. In the end you have NOTHING to LOSE and YOURSELF to GAIN and that's the GOOD NEWS!
Journal:
Write two things that cause you the MOST pain right now. Is it something emotional or physical?
- If it is emotional either create a mantra or go to a book store for a book of inspirationals sayings and choose one. Write it on a post it and stick on your bathroom mirror. Say it every morning and night. Say it when that feeling of fread comes over your body. Then before you go to bed write about the shifts in your thinking that have come as a result. Words are a powerful tool--USE THEM!
- If the pain is physical either an incident, situation, or in your body such as stress, fatigue, or chronic illness; then create a plan to attack it. If if is a situation address how you will handle it. It is is in your body locate the cause and develop a dietary or workout regimen that will provide you relief. Develop a routine of health for your life.
Leave a comment, it motivates me to write more!
Peace and Blessings!
Welcome back! Your blog inspires women, to take the high road and be true to yourself. The journey is filled with bumps in the road and we are measured by how we handle these obstacles.
ReplyDeleteKudos for putting your child's needs above your own, even though you were hurt. Keep your head up!
Been there Sista!!! It's not always an easy pill to swallow, because what I realized was that I wasnt concerned about some new guy with my ex, it was moreso some new guy with MY Son. Once I met him and understood that he knew that I AM DADDY, and you are just in my child's life because of her, I gained solace. The sooner you find confidence in YOUR POSITION with your child, the easier it will be. It's about the kid and they know who their parents are.
ReplyDeleteYes, yes. The hurt of having someone else with your child and the powerlessness you feel (notes: Kate Gosslin's ejection from the grounds of her home when Jon had his new piece of ass there with the kids). It's a long, girlfriend and it's good to know you've not allowed your self the luxury of falling into the hurt bucket.You may have dipped your toe in, but I'm sure you're relieved not to be up to your neck (though I do enjoy the names you call your ex. HA!). I'm proud of you - I can't wait until the next installment!
ReplyDeleteStrength lies within! It's a great model. Keep the posts coming.
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