Diamond or Coal: The Choice is Yours!

 

For those of you who have been with me on this journey from the beginning, you know that the Rotation Theory is not some sort of gimmick to trick people into loving you. You know that it is a lot of reflection, work, and self-development. In my opinion books on "How to Catch a Man 101" appeal to those people who desperately want to be in a relationship, but don't want to examine their own behavior and choices. The error in those books is that the author gives you concepts that are really common sense like, "Don't Sleep with a Man Until You know He wants a Commitment," or "Allow a Man to be a Man, Let Him Pay for Dinner." Women go out, buy these books, and act like they've never heard this advise before in their lives (forget that your Momma was the first one to tell ya, "Keep your dress tail down and your panties up!"). You begin to use these techniques and "Voila!" you've got a man, but then what happens? "Poof!" He disappears. Anyone can use gimmicks to attract someone temporarily. The real question is... How do you keep him? 

Why is is that the men (and women for the guys) that you date, seem so wonderful at the beginning? Attentive, charming, and thoughtful! Then slowly over the course of the relationship it begins to go down hill. Then he gets with the next babe and you hear that he treats her like a queen. WHAT HAPPENED? Sometimes it is because he is not the person for you. However, it has been my experience that MOST times it is because we train our men to be mediocre.We allow and even force mediocrity on our guys. As women, we need to own, realize, and utilize our power. We are the foundation of the family and the mothers of the universe. During the course of our relationships, we begin to use our powers to shape our men. Some women do it consciously ("Girl, you know I had to TRAIN him!"). Relationships put a lot of pressure and stress on men. Chances are, if he has decided to make a commitment to you, then he is concerned about "doing this right". So the pressure is intense. You have the power available to you to make him a diamond or a lump of coal. How? 

1) You and your man are out and he makes a suggestion to go to your favorite Chinese food restaurant. You tell him NO, you're not in the mood for Chinese. He then says OK, What about this steakhouse? You respond that you don't want that either. He sighs and decides to stop trying.

2) Your man surprises you with a new Timex watch. You respond, "That's cool, but I was hoping to get a Movado." He won't make that mistake again!

3) You ask your guy to clean the kitchen while the NBA Playoffs are on TV, he agrees and says right after the game. You get frustrated and clean it up yourself. He makes a mental note.

Does any of this sound familiar? How we manage our partners is built around our egos and expectations. The truth is...Superman would have a hard time meeting the standards set in our minds. We have these mental fantasies shaped by the fairytales we clung to as kids. In reality, relationships are HARD WORK! And if you REALLY want a GOOD MAN, then start by allowing him to be himself. Let him demonstrate his love for you the best way he knows how. Encourage, support, and accept that love. When you nurture this behavior in him, he'll want to do it more. 

In your journal:

1) Can you recall and write about 3 instances where a person you were dating was obviously trying to win your affection and you knocked him down?

2) Examine yourself, your actions, and your desires. Ask yourself: Am I ready to accept this man as he is without feeling the need to change or train him to be someone he is not? If your answer is NO then move on to the next one in THE ROTATION. Don't grind him into dust, because someone who is a piece of COAL to you, might be someone else's DIAMOND. THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

GUYS IF YOU READ THIS AND YOU AGREE WITH WHAT I'M SAYING YOU NEED TO POST AN AMEN!!!!!!!!!!