What is the Dating Rotation Theory?

THE DATING ROTATION is a tool to help us become a more full expression of ourselves and also, to date a VARIETY of potential mates, as opposed to the same guy, different body we have done in the past. We can remove the PROGRAMMING in our minds that confine us, repeatedly, to destructive relationships. I can speak for myself and maybe this is true for you as well, but I am loyal to a fault. In the past, when I was attracted to and began dating a man that satisfied that intangible need I had inside, which was driven by my programming, I would immediately cut off all other dating options. Somehow, I had the warped mentality that seeing other people (even though we weren't intimate) was cheating. I would hold my head down to avoid eye contact with potential single men in public. I would stop responding to others advances and focus all my energy on this one man (although he struggled with being committed to me). I would do whatever I could to show and prove that I was the one and that he needed ME! In fact, this is the worst disservice you can do to yourself.

This is how I would fall off track:

1. I did not recognize the warning signs that this man is not the one for me. Also, it is difficult to be objective when all of your spare time, thoughts, and emotions are focused on him. I also did not see that this was a pattern in my behavior.

2. Why did I do this continuously to myself? At the time I did not understand that the PROGRAMMING was driving me. My programming told me, "I need to be needed" and "I need someone to take care of me". Yes it is very contradictory, but this is the foundation of bad decision-making. I liked stubborn, controlling men and I experienced a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when I convinced them to see things my way. I was changing them for the better, so I imagined!

So how did I get back on track?

A year after my divorce was final, I had to pack up all my belongings and the crap my ex left behind and put it in storage, in hopes that someone would eventually buy my house (still hoping). Regardless, the process was extremely difficult, because not only are you packing up things (clothes, books, refrigerator magnets and such), but you are packing up your dreams, hopes, and desires for a future that is no longer yours. Each item I packed had a story, "Oh yes, we bought that on our trip to Italy. Man I couldn't believe how bad Venice smelled. Oh yeah and that bracelet, I forget he bought that for me and put it in a Tiffany's box, that was so funny!".

It was difficult, but it was also good for me. I had to go through and throw away the junk that was no longer helpful to me. Things that did not serve me or my daughter were tossed in the trash. We were moving from a 5 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment and did not have the luxury to be sentimental. The storage space I could afford was no larger than a bathroom, so I could only save so much.

This process of purging the elements in our lives and our psyche that do not serve us is the essence of THE DATING ROTATION THEORY! In order to figure out what to toss and what to keep is the challenge and the work. My favorite show on TV is Heroes and in one episode a character, Clarie, said something that I felt was profound, "You have to know who you were, to know who you wanna be." And for me that sums up THE DATING ROTATION THEORY.

1. You have to first, recognize the patterns or habits you have created for yourself and in your life that no longer serve you. This could be in relationships, but also lifestyle: stress management, diet, exercise, work, family! (more on this later).

2. You need to understand why you developed those patterns in the first place. This is key, because it gets to the root of your unconscious choices. I like to call this your PROGRAMMING. (More on this later too!)

3. You have to engage in the active process of removing this programming and replacing it, NOT with other programming, but with Conscious Decision-Making. This is more difficult than it sounds, because I am not discounting INTUITION. However, we need to work through and recognize the difference between our programmed desires and the inner voice of our intuition.

4. After doing the work necessary to be the ULTIMATE VERSION OF YOU, you are now ready to apply what you have learned to the dating game. You need to start developing your ROTATION!

But first things first! In your journal over the next week think of the men you were most excited about or loved the most. How did they make you feel? What did they do to make you feel this way? What are the words that come to mind when you characterize those relationships. This is part of identifying these patterns you've created for yourself.

Be inspired and inspire others by leaving comments below!